I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The power of my boobs compel you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
