Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
