I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
