im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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