They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
