In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize