Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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