Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
