Sponge bath it is.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
