Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
