Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
