k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
