This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
