Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
