she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
