So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
