Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
