Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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