think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
