I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
