sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
