so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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