Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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