The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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