no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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