Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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