He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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