That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
