Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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