I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
