I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
