This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize