We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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