Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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