Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
