Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
