Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
