Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
