watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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