My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm really into asian looking animals
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
