Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
