this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
