You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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