I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
