What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
