i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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