I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
