So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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