So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
