around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
