Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
