The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
