I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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