i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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