people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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