if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
