It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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