I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
