dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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