the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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