drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
