There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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