peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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