I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
