What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
