Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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