Your face is a jimmy john
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
