Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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