I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
