im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
