I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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