He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
