My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize