Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
