ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
