Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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