We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
